There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
