JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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