I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize