Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
