I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
