I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
