My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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