I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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