Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize