i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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