he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
