Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize