I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
