I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My friends, they love my intelligence
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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