why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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