Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The air was thick with penises
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
