the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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