ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
