I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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