I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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