i was born a porn star she said
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
