Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is wine microwaveable?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
