I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize