and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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