she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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