tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
