The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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