I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
