So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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