Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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