i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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