I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Come on in and take your pants off
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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