i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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