Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Im part way to drunk.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
