The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
