wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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