You made me cry and you don't even care
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
