I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
