I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
