He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
