If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
