i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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