it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think my fart just growled at me.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
