Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
