marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
