and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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