I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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