why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
