If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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