I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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