You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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