Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
