It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize