my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
this just has baby written all over it
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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