hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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