Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
