This girl is more easily done than said...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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