i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
