Acid is not a monday night drug
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
