this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
