Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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