long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
