remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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