remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
