I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
