she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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