no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
