I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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