My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
